{"id":4165,"date":"2018-08-10T01:55:04","date_gmt":"2018-08-10T01:55:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.novonon.com\/blog\/2018\/08\/10\/guidelines-for-evil-empresses\/"},"modified":"2018-08-10T01:55:04","modified_gmt":"2018-08-10T01:55:04","slug":"guidelines-for-evil-empresses","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.novonon.com\/blog\/2018\/08\/10\/guidelines-for-evil-empresses\/","title":{"rendered":"Guidelines for Evil Empresses"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/p>\n

\n
    \n
  1. Beauty is fleeting, power is vulnerable. I will not risk the latter for the former.<\/li>\n
  2. I will use my magic mirror for spying on my enemies rather than for vain attempts at preserving my position as fairest in the land.<\/li>\n
  3. I will not fret over the comparative beauty of the Hero’s True Love or any Beautiful Yet Innocent kinfolk. They may be attractive enough for peasant wenches\/quivering maidens; but I am The Evil Empress, and there is <\/span>no<\/u> <\/span>comparison.<\/li>\n
  4. I will not bed the Hunky Hero <\/span>before<\/u> <\/span>my plan is executed, unless having him believe I am carrying his child gives me a decisive advantage.<\/li>\n
  5. While seduction has its place in my vast arsenal, I realize that “evil” and “skanky” are not mutually inclusive. Royal Dressmakers unable to realize this fact will be flayed alive in the presence of their replacements.<\/li>\n
  6. I will wear flats, or better yet, running shoes when executing crucial plans.<\/li>\n
  7. My slinky sorceress’ robe will have a chain mail foundation garment, at minimum.<\/li>\n
  8. I will not be put off by the Hero’s rebuffs of my sensual advances. If he doesn’t succumb to me, I will not fly into a jealous rage. Instead, I’ll shrug my shoulders, send him on his way, and have him picked off as he exits the fortress.<\/li>\n
  9. Where winks, suggestive remarks, and body language won’t get me what I want, a well aimed semi-automatic will.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/blockquote>\n

    Many, many more following the above.<\/p>\n

    http:\/\/nift.firedrake.org\/EEmpress.htm<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Beauty is fleeting, power is vulnerable. I will not risk the latter for the former. I will use my magic mirror for spying on my enemies rather than for vain attempts at preserving my position as fairest in the land. I will not fret over the comparative beauty of the Hero’s True Love or any […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4165","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3pfIY-15b","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.novonon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4165","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.novonon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.novonon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.novonon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.novonon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4165"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.novonon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4165\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.novonon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4165"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.novonon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4165"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.novonon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4165"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}