If it’s the weekend this must be Chicago

[The Bloggess, one of the funniest writers around, is reposting some classic stuff while she’s on her book tour. This one made me giggle a lot 🙂 -egg]

If it’s the weekend this must be Chicago:
Today and tomorrow I’m in Chicago.  I’m doing a reading/signing today (Saturday) at the center stage at Printers Row (noon), and I’m pretty sure you don’t need a free ticket for that.  Tomorrow (Sunday) I’ll be doing a panel/signing but the tickets are sold out.  You can come and see if anyone doesn’t show though and they’ll let you in for free if they have any spots.  Until then, I’m continuing my pattern of posting reruns.  This was a favorite of mine from a few years ago:

An open letter to the people sitting next to me at the movie theater who won’t shut the fuck up

Dear woman sitting next to me while I watched Avatar:
What.
the fuck.
is wrong with you?
I can only assume that your husband is both deaf and moronic because I can’t think of any other reason why else you would feel the need to loudly state what’s going on during the movie WHILE WE’RE ALL WATCHING IT HAPPEN ON THE SCREEN. And it was weird because you both seemed perfectly fine when you first sat down next to me, aside from totally ignoring the unstated “there-must-be-one-chair-in-between-all-strangers-in-bars-and-theaters” rule.  But then you started loudly remarking unimportant bullshit about the commercials using your normal speaking voice.  I meanpersonally, I stop talking as soon as the previews begins but I know there aren’t any formal rules about this so I tried to just ignore you.  You made it really hard though when the Clash of the Titans preview showed Zeus yelling to “Release the Kraken!” and you said, “Wow. That cracker looks like a bad-ass.”
Really? Did that just happen?  I know it did because my husband looked at me with these wide eyes like “Holy shit did you just hear that?” and technically I was actually fine with that because I knew we’d have a good laugh about it later.  Just like years ago when we were watching the trailer for Malcolm X and the dude behind us said “Who the fuck is Malcolm Ten?”  That kind of idiocy is almost worthwhile because it’s 11 years later and we’re still able to mock that guy, but sadly you peaked early and I had to watch the rest of the movie with a built-in commentary of what I now refer to as “What-Stupid-People-Are-Thinking”.
And guess what?  ShutTheFuckUp, THAT’S WHAT.  Yes, I know the main character is in a wheel-chair.  We all do.  WE’RE ALL FUCKING WATCHING IT.  It’s on a huge screen happening right in front of us right now. YOU AREN’T ADDING ANYTHING.
Just a few examples of you ruining my willing-suspension-of-disbelief…
Actual scene: A character says they’re about to seeing the famous floating mountains.  Then we see floating mountains.
You: Are those mountains floating?
Scene: Character wears a shirt.  It’s the same shirt that’s been in all of the commercials.  None of this is a surprise.
You: He’s wearing a shirt.
Scene: A three second black-out signifies the end of a big scene.  The scene takes place in broad daylight.
You: It’s nighttime now.
Scene: Incredibly-obvious villain does evil villain stuff.
You: I don’t trust that guy.
Scene: A character dies.  Every. single. person onscreen acknowledges that the character is now dead.
You: Oh.  I don’t think that person’s gonna make it.
How am I supposed to willingly lose myself in a movie when you won’t shut the fuck up? Did you know that I’ve never told anyone to be quiet in a movie theater?  True story. I just sit in silence, glowering and sighing audibly.  So last night when I turned to you and said “Really?!” it might have seemed anticlimactic but that was the equivalent of a normal person stabbing you in the head.  Honestly, even my husband was a little shocked at me.  Then when the movie ended you scurried out, probably because you guessed I was pulling Victor out after you so that I could follow you to your home and loudly explain everything that’s going on on your TV to you.  And you’d be all “Who are you?” and I’d be like “I’m here to help.  Oh, this is a good show.  It’s funny because everyone doesn’t love Raymond.  That’s the irony of this show” and you’d be like “Why are you in my house?!” and I’d be all “But then in the end you see that everybody DOES actually love Raymond.  Even though they yell at him a lot.  That’s where they trick you.”  And you’d be all “I’m calling the police” and I’d be like “THIS IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE FOR THE REST OF THE WORLD, YOU FUCKING IMBECILE”.  Then Victor would probably make me leave.  But while he was pulling me out to the car I’d steal all of your silverware to make up for what everyone in our theater spent on their wasted movie ticket.  Then I’d kick a hole in your wall and throw a dead cat in there.  Your cat. And then we’d be even.  Mostly.

Tasker

[Wow, almost makes me wish I had an android. -egg]
Tasker:
Tasker is an automation tool for Android phones. I’ve used Android and Tasker for a couple years now for a wide variety of tasks. Simply put, this app can change settings on your phone based on practically any information or input available to the phone.

Personally, I use it to silence the ringer during church, class, etc. This can be activated by time or location. I also have it update podcasts when I connect to my access point at home. Or, turn off mobile data when the device starts, and only enable it if wifi is unavailable and certain apps are running. The list goes on and on. I have it set to enable GPS when certain apps are running. When without wifi, I have a task set to turn on 3G for one minute every half hour and have all apps to autosync (this saves a considerable amount of battery). I also use it to prevent wifi from sleeping when the screen is off if Pandora or other apps are running.

It can also be used to adjust call volume, ringtone, and availability based on caller ID, start apps and change settings when a headset is plugged in or the phone is docked, read text messages out loud in the car, and all sorts of other useful things. The application costs $6.50, but I believe it’s absolutely worth it given how much functionality it provides.

— Matt Sturing

[For those interested in learning what else Tasker can do this wiki is full of How-to’s.–OH ]

Tasker

$6.50

Available from the Android Marketplace

Produced by Tasker

Model crowdsources name-and-shame for lecherous airline seatmate

Model crowdsources name-and-shame for lecherous airline seatmate:
Our Avram takes to Making Light to tell the remarkable story of a model who found herself sitting next to a lecherous married man on an airplane, and who crowdsourced a name-and-shame campaign for him on Twitter that uncovered his identity. Avram makes the point that this is more science fictional than most science fiction:

Ms Stetten is a twenty-something model living in New York (though possibly not a native). Yesterday she was on a plane when the fellow sitting next to her, wearing a wedding ring, tried hitting on her. She turned him down, and tweeted about it. He kept at it.

Over the course of the conversation, Brian mentioned not just his first name, but also that he’s an actor, and born in Oklahoma. Eventually he brought up that he’d just been working on a project with Matthew McConaughey, and that’s all it takes nowadays. Inside a minute, one of Stetten’s followers had found him on the IMDB.

Things got worse for Brian from there — lied about his marriage, turned out to be lying about being “clean and sober”, etc. The story’s been picked up by a Hollywood gossip site, so I imagine he’s got some ’splainin’ to do back home. I’m interested in this not so much for the sake of schadenfreude about some actor I’d never heard of (although it is fun) as for the implications for science fiction. How much have you read recently that gives you that glimpse of the possibilities of heavily networked societies? How many authors (other than Charlie Stross) are really writing about the possibilities of a crowd-sourced panopticon? And how many are still living in the ’70s?

A little bird tells me…